I don't know what's happening in my body lol..but I do know that it sure don't feel very good. For the past few days I have been having pain in my upper stomach area, right below my ribs..directly in the center....it never goes away it's constant...but it does ease off when I drink something very cold or either very hot...and sometimes it hurts a little worse than other times...Since this has started I have also been running a fever on and off..feel sick at my stomach...don't want to eat...I dunno...I never have had anything like this...Everyone says I need to go to the doctor..I know this is true but doctors cost soooo much..and Im sure they'll want to run test and all of that good expensive stuff...So I'm trying to hold off until after Christmas...As long as it dont get much worse I'll be fine...My thoughts is that its probably an ulcer...at least thats what I hope it is and nothing worse...

As for the snow...well we did get some..but nothing like the weather predicted...the kids did get out of school Friday..but im sure that was mostly due to the flooding...

Christmas sure is coming up fast...the boys only go to school 4 days this week..its hard to believe that it's already that time..and we haven't even bought the first present yet lol....

Hope you all have a beautiful...happy and amazing week...

Well...The weatherman says we just might get a really good snow today and tonight!!! I know Im really excited..maybe my babies will get out of school early and if they don't...maybe they wont have school tomorrow...

It's been sooooo long since we actually got a huge white snow...The kids havent ever got to see one of those old fashion snows...sure they've seen plenty of snow..but not the kind that just feels almost magical...Actually I dont think we've had enough snow for them to go out and build a snowman...So yeah..Im looking forward to it just as much as they are..(maybe more) lol.

I know one thing for sure..we've already had more snow this year than most..and we haven't seen snow before Christmas here in a long time...so it could be true..what people are saying about this year being the year we'll see more snow than we've seen in many,many years....

Everything is great...we're all doing good..Rondell is a little bit sick..I had to take him to the doctor Monday..and he still has a bad cough but he says he feels fine...The doctor gave him some antibiotics and cough syrup and said he was fine...I dunno...I still worry...

I'm trying really hard to stay positive and happy..and not worry about things..but its hard when the holidays are here and there's bills we cant afford to pay...some of which are making threats to take legal action..and I know if it comes to that then all that will happen is we'll have to go to court and promise to pay..and be given a time frame...I know this..so I don't really understand why it worries me so bad...I get stressed out and worried over some of the smallest things...I just can't help it....Why is it that at this time of year..what is supposed to be the time of miracles and happiness...bill collectors will go out of their way to make things just impossible...

Im not asking for a miracle...just a little help...Im not asking for mountains to be moved..just love, peace and happiness...

But we're going to have a good Christmas..the best one ever...I know God will find a way to get us through it all...

Yesterday was just the perfect day....It started snowing so hard...it was just beautiful..huge giant snowflakes...and it started right as we took the boys out to buy a Christmas tree...talk about getting into the Christmas spirit!!! They had such a good time..even if the snow melted away fast.

We wanted a live tree..but couldnt find one...

We finally decided on a 6ft fiber optic tree...Its so pretty...I was glad not having to fool with stringing lights around it..but I never expected it to be so beautiful....Its kinda tall and skinny..but still its such a pretty tree..I really love it and the boys are really happy with it...

I love snow...I hope we get lots of it this winter...its actually a little early for us to be getting these snows..usually where we live we dont even look for snow until after Christmas....

Joes off work for the next 2 nights so im happy...I love having him home..It gets so lonely here at night when the boys go to sleep and im alone....and plus..I just love having everyone home together..it makes me feel more secure and happy....

Well..I suppose ill stop here....Ill write more later...I know Iv been slacking on the blogs...

The festive winter season is often commemorated with hosts of decorative flowers, some of which would most appropriately and appreciatively be festooned around some of your space today, Winter Flowers Day! Aromas associated with pine (placing a branch of same over the main door of the house is said to ensure continual joy within, for the leaves are evergreen), cloves (when worn or carried on the person are said to attract the opposite sex, and are also believed to bring comfort to those mourning or grieving) and orange (using pieces of the peels of nine oranges in any bath will lift spirits and vibrations too) incorporated into any holiday wreaths or centerpieces of poinsettia, narcissus, hemlock or holly will purposefully plant you and yours firmly in your own personal Winter Wonderland. Makes perfect 'scents' to me!"

Well I just finished the rest of my shopping for Thanksgiving dinner...It's just going to be me, Joe and the boys here at home..but wow are we gonna have a nice dinner lol...Looking at all I have to cook and all of the work that it's going to take..I can get frustrated...but instead i'm truly thankful that we have all of this amazing food..I know that too many people in this world are homeless and probably will not even get anything to eat...and that's very sad...I pray that every living person gets their tummys full...and that everyone is capable of enjoying the company of friends and family...

At this point my menu consist of.....

-Turkey (Joe and the kids managed to drag home a 21 pound bird this year lol)

-Stuffing

-Mashed Potatoes & Gravy

-Cranberries

-Banana Pudding

-Lemon Meringue Pie

-Asparagus

-Deviled Eggs

and Hot Rolls

I think that's all...I know that sounds like a huge feast for just the 4 of us..but I want enough that we can be lazy and eat all day long lol...Ohh and left overs!!!Like Turkey Casarole!!!So yeah I am fairly sure we're going to have a great Thanksgiving...

I went to visit mom and dad tonight..Mom has decided to cook..which made me happy..I couldn't stand thinking that her and dad was going to spend the holiday alone and not even cook...They also said that my mamaw is going to eat with them so that makes me feel alot better...I had invited them to come eat with us, but dad just isn't feeling well at all and he wasn't much wanting to leave the house...I worry about him so much..everytime I see him he looks a little worse...

It's sad..he lived through the Vietnam War..and now side effects from that war are taking his health away..and they have already prepared me..it's only going to get worse...but I am Thankful for every moment I have with him...and since he has gotten sick, my mom has changed her attitude so much...Don't get me wrong she is still hateful and loves to be the center of drama..but at the same time I seem to see a difference in her...I think she knows now that all of her trouble making has turned nearly all of the family against her...and she knows that dad won't be here forever..I think maybe she's seen the light and knows that she does in fact need her family..instead of trying to rip it apart...I know it's rather sad that it took something like this to wake her up...But at least for now she is being really nice to me..and honestly I don't know how to act..because all of my life I'v been cautious and almost afraid of her...it's really hard to learn how to trust her without throwing up walls to protect myself..although I will never fully let those walls down..not after all she has done to me...

But anyway..I was able to visit and actually feel like I had a mom and dad both sitting there...It felt really nice...I pray it stays this way..

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!!

P.S

Ohh and before I forget...there seems to be some glitch or issue with IPs on the tag boards...different people are showing the same IP lol...so if you get strange postings like we have and a few others..go check the IP from your tag board managment area...you can then search the IP using any free IP search site...the funny thing is that even though the IPs are the same..the searches have them coming from entire different areas of the world...And there's also some post getting linked back to the profiles of other people..I don't know if this is a simple mistake or if someone is trying to be funny...either way...I figured I'd mention it in case anyone else is seeing these strange things...

HAPPY THANKSGIVNG!!!!

"If you are planning to go out and shop for the ingredients for your Thanksgiving meal today don't forget to include the root vegetables that lend their magic to this month. Onions and leeks are considered foods that fulfill, as they are two of the vegetables most associated with November. The ancient Egyptians used onions as a talisman to ward evil away from their children, in fact something called onion bread and beer made up the basic Egyptian diet. Pliny the Elder suggested onions for Roman runners, as they are known to contribute to both speed and endurance. There are many cooks in many kitchens who follow this one custom to this day as they keep halved onions open in that room to absorb negativity and evil influences. Leeks come complete with their own legend and lore. The English of old believed that if you hid a leek inside a black cloth and placed it under the pillow of someone who was ill, then they will be cured. As a member of the onion family, leeks are very strongly associated with the ability to provide personal protection as well. They are a considered a national symbol in the country of Wales. Such tales may strain credulity but why not try adding these veggies to your holiday fare for a promised positive and delicious dish? Yum."

I always start cooking the night before Thanksgiving...and right now I still don't know what everyone wants lol...so I still have more shopping to do...but I'm looking forward to it....

The kids will be home in about an hour...they only go to school for 1 hour today..How silly is that..it makes no sense that they would drag those kids out into the cold just to sit in class doing nothing for one hour...But they're excited..and looking forward to everything too...Rondell has started helping me cook...he thinks it's the best thing in the whole world to help me cook and he loves being bragged on... I think it's so cute.

I tried to invite my parents to come eat with us..but they're not going to..my mom isn't even going to cook...it just don't seem right..my dad has always been a big holiday person..I'm so worried...In his own way I know he's been trying to break the news to me that he's sick..and it's breaking my heart...I love my daddy so much...I just can't bare the thought of knowing that one day he's not going to be around...So I block it out and try not to think about it....

I went to visit the other day and he took a picture right off the wall and gave it to me..he said he wanted me to have it because it's a painting that he bought for me when I was little...for some reason I loved that picture..and even though it was way over priced he still got it for me...My mom has had it up until now..and dad just took it right off the wall and handed it to me..I'm pretty sure that mom didn't like that very much...but it meant so much to me to get it...

I'm so tired right now..I'v been awake all night...so my mind is kinda blank at the moment...I promise I'll post later tonight when I can think lol...

Hope you all have fun cooking and spending time with your family..I know I will!!!!

This morning when the kids woke up for school, there was a really nice dusting of snow on the ground..the roof tops  and cars were all white...It was so nice to see the first little bit of snow this year...I LOVE SNOW!!!

When it snows everything feels so peaceful...it's almost like the world just freezes...I dunno..maybe it's just me..but I feel so at peace when its snowing...

Well..the bad dreams seem to have gone away..I'm still not sure why I was having them so badly..but at least for now everything is normal again when I fall asleep I think alot of it was nerves...I mean, over the last few months so much drama has been going on in our families..NOT HERE AT HOME! Just everywhere else...It honestly feels like the entire world is against us sometimes...

But we have each other...our wonderful kids..and so much love..and for that I am thankful and I know I am blessed...

Ahhh it's Wednesday..which means only 2 more days to go!!!! then it's the weekend...Yes I look forward to weekends and holidays as much as the kids do..I love having them home...things just aren't right when they're away at school...I feel like a part of me is missing when they're not at home.

Ohh and Joe won JOTW!!! I know he's so happy..and I'm so happy for him!!! He's such a great guy and I love him with all of my heart and soul!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful week...!!!!

Okay...I found this one to be really funny

Some might call this 'Have A Bad Day' Day and I think that a good many of us can relate to that sentiment, even if only every great once in awhile. If you feel like you've been having way too many bad days lately and that bad luck has you by the short hairs, here's an old antidote that can turn all your fortunes around --literally. Standing at the bottom of any staircase, just pull a pocket (this can even be from a purse that you are holding) inside out. Now, walk up a single flight of stairs backwards and then when you reach the top simply turn in a clockwise direction for three full rotations. Your luck might have had you going in circles before but now everything's about to change for the better!"

Well...AGAIN...last night those really bad nightmares came back...I just don't know why..It don't make sense to me..In all of my life I have never been unable to sleep due to reaccuring nightmares. Just like every person alive I have had bad dreams..but not every single night, non-stop.

Joe was asking me earlier what these dreams are about..and yeah I can remember them in detail because they're so realistic...He said "Remember, in the back of your mind, even if it's just a dream, I'll still be there to get the bad things before they get you!" Awww how sweet is he!!!

I dunno...it's really bothering me...because all night this is going on and all day I'm so tired and worn out, because I'm not resting while I'm asleep...and then I'm also bending my brain trying to figure out why this is happening..what's causing it?

I have went over every possibility that I can think of that could be causing the bad dreams. All I know is I'm ready for them to stop...I mean what does a person do? I can't very well go to the doctor and say "Hey, I'm not sick, I'm just having terrible nightmares every single night!" I mean, what's he gonna do about it. There's no medication to make nightmares vanish. I wish there was...because it's really draining me and wearing me down. Although I sleep all night..during the day I feel like I haven't slept at all..I noticed I was very easy to get annoyed today..it seemed like every little thing was getting under my skin..and I know I was hateful..I noticed it myself. I went to wash my face and I could clearly see dark circles under my eyes...My head hurt..I felt kinda nervous..or jumpy...but my goodness anyone would be jumpy if they saw the things I see in those nightmares 

I'm 32 years old and feel like I need to sleep with the light on lol....this is insane...

Last night I had the worst nightmares ever...all night long..I mean, just really vivid and realistic. The kind of nightmare that makes you wake up almost afraid to move because it takes a minute to figure out if it was a dream or if it was real.

I woke up this morning to get the boys ready for school and I felt so tired and worn out, even though I'd slept all night long. So when Joe got home and the kids were at school I went back to sleep...I slept til 1:00pm, and had the same kind of nightmares all day long...they just wouldn't stop..

I dont know why I had such awful dreams all night and then again all day...Of course I love scary movies..and normally I'd think maybe thats why the nightmares are coming..BUT..I haven't even seen a scary movie since Halloween..In fact I'v been trying to pump the kids up for the holidays and talking all about Christmas..and what we're going to have for Thanksgiving dinner...

Here it is 11:00pm...and after all the sleep I'v had..im still so tired and ready to fall asleep. I just took a long hot shower thinking maybe I'd rest better...and maybe I wouldn't have such awful dreams again.

Today has been really good...nothing happened..it was just a quiet day..it's rained alot..and really hard too..which makes for excellent sleeping weather

Rondell came home from school almost crying this evening...he'd fell on the playground and his back was hurting really bad...it kinda worried me because he said it was hurting from his waist all the way down to his ankle..and I noticed his leg was swollen a little bit...but I fixed him up on the couch...turned the heat and massage on..gave him a tylenol..and after a while he was just fine...

Well...I'm off to bed...I sure hope I have good dreams..I really don't like having such awful nightmares...

Hugs to everyone and I hope you all have a excellent weekend....

I'm so sorry that I haven't made it around to visit everyone..I promise to do that this weekend.

The precious gem most associated with this month is the venerable and mysterious topaz. This stone has been around for at least 2000 years and has been called one of the gemstones that formed the foundations of the twelve gates to the Holy City of Jerusalem. The stones are often referred to as 'apocalyptic' in their nature in so much as they are believed to hold miraculous protective powers when engaged to keep anyone safe from enemies and from harm. In mysticism, the topaz holds a cooling or antiseptic effect while also being believed to be able to dispel sadness and anger, as well as nighttime fears, simply by sleeping with it close to the skin. Some legends even state that a man who wears a topaz will grow more handsome and intelligent while a woman will grow more fertile and happy.

We went grocery shopping the other day..and this was really the first time I'd noticed how expensive things are getting...It's just unreal...For example certain ingredients that I always buy...only a month ago they was 5 pks for $1, now they are 5 pks for 3$ this being those tiny packages of Chili mix..I don't even want to remember what meat , milk and eggs have gone up to in price...I also noticed that bread has went out the roof..I always buy the store brand..which was 59 cents a pound..and is now $1.25...It makes me wonder, if something don't change fast..how in the world we're going to be able to afford to buy groceries and feed our families...Thankfully I got in all of the basics for our Thanksgiving dinner..I will only need to pick up a few odds and ends closer to Thanksgiving...

Things are going good with everyone..as far as I know...obviously I haven't indulged myself into deep conversation with any of my family in a week or so now..I just want to avoid drama at all cost...So to be honest I'm unsure if there was a huge family melt down like I suspected or not...but it seems like things went rather smooth..

Call me paranoid..but when things go really good for a while, I start expecting something negative to happen... I wish so bad I didn't dwell on such things because it's draining...but I guess that's what happens over time..especially when my mom is always bent on striking up some form of trouble...

I think back about my dads mother..she passed away last Fall..but she could quote words from the bible word for word..she was one of the most faithful people I have ever known...I loved hearing her talk about the bible and telling stories about her life and how her Faith had pulled her through so many difficult times...She was the kind of person that just made people around her want to be better...

Today is Veterans day...so don't forget to remember all of those brave people..My dad is a Vietnam Vet. and I have always held so much pride in my heart because of that...I was speaking of my granny (my dads mom) who passed away last Fall...she had a chest full of letters and photos that my dad had sent home from the war...his uniform...helemt...water cantine..even unopened letters that he had wrote to his girlfriend at home, who moved away so Granny couldn't give the letters to her... so she saved them all, they had never been opened or read...Before she died she told me that all of those things would belong to me someday..so that I could show my kids how brave their papaw was and all he had done...But of course when she passed, my mom must have got her hands on all of those things..because I never got them..Now I wonder if I ever will...I'm certain that my mom would have opened those letters and probably destroyed them all..That really bothers me because mom knew that Granny meant for those things to be mine...or more importantly my kids.

Well, my babies just came through the door from school...so I guess I should stop rambling and close this up for now...I hope you are all having a beautiful day...

Sometimes this day is referred to as Death and Duty Day. Our neighbors to the North in Canada call it Remembrance Day, and in other parts of the world it's referred to as Armistice Day. On our shores we celebrate it as Veterans Day, an American holiday remembering those who have died bearing arms in the name of liberty and in pursuit of freedoms, doing their duty for God and to Country. When President Wilson first proclaimed this day to be a legal holiday in this country he called it ' A day dedicated to the cause of world peace ...' Let us all, every one of us contribute to those same energies this day as we bring 'peace' fruit into our homes. The word 'apple' in the East sounds exactly like the word in Oriental languages that speak to all of the qualities and characteristics associated with 'peace.' As a result, the apple has always been regarded as having a soothing and calming influence when displayed anywhere inside the home. In many traditions, the apple is considered a token of peace, so a bowl of fresh apples given as a gift to a friend or placed with peaceful intentions on your own kitchen or dining room table will create a harmonious and happy environment and bring peace filled energies to the atmosphere. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with you!"

Well...Last night the dog went stupid and killed another one of my kittnes.

I don't know what went wrong with the dog..she was raised with cats..she's always acted like a cat herself...because being with the cats is all she ever knew..but suddenly she just got so awful mean to them..Not only the babies..but the grown cats as well...

I love cats...I have always loved cats so much and the things that dog done to them honestly gave me nightmares...to the point that I couldn't sleep..I was waking up at every little thing...I was just so afraid the dog would grab ahold of another cat..and it was breaking my heart and just messing with me all the way around...

The only reason we kept the dog this long was because Brady was so attached to it...but he's like me..he's a big cat lover as well...Plus..Joe got it for me on my birthday 4 years ago...This is a Chinese Pug I'm talking about..these dogs are not known to be violent at all, in fact tonight I have read and read and read all I could find about pugs...I have always read into the breed and learned all about them..I have looked the internet over for one case of a pug being mean or aggressive and there's nothing to be found...All you will see is how amazing and gentle they are...but this one was getting very mean...meaner by the day...and worse and worse...And these dogs can't be kept outdoors..they just can't adapt to the weather..they're very sensitive to heat and cold both...

So here was the breaking point...last night I was sitting here on the computer..Brady had just got out of the shower and came in the living room and sit down..we was talking and suddenly he went to screaming "Oh God mommy help me!" This scared the life out of me..I jumped up and turned around and the dog had grabbed one of the kittnes and just ripped it to shreds, nearly right on top of Brady...he was smacking the dog, yelling at it trying to get it to drop the cat..there was a mess all over the floor...The dog just went crazy...

I don't think I'v ever seen Brady so upset before..that really scared him and of course it crushed him nside because he loved that kitten and the dog both.....We put the dog outside on the pourch..and decided that it had to leave....

So this morning the dog was on the front pourch...and she clawed and scratched on the door until her toes was bleeding...it was actually freaky because it seemed like the more she hurt her toes, the harder she'd scratch...I couldn't make her stop...I tried talking to the dog...I reached to touch her and she jumped back and made a weird noise at me...so I finally got her and put her in the basement..again..she done the same thing...clawing until her toes was pouring the blood..and wouldn't stop...it was like the more she hurt herself the harder she was trying to do it...

She's always been a house dog, never around other dogs or animals..just the cats we had...She's been took very good care of..had all of her shots..slept in the bed with the kids at night...basically this dog was nothing less than a member of the family...

Well after last nights scene..the kids both wanted the dog to leave...and I admit..I did too...I was so mad and angry at her and a little scared of her at the same time...So we gave her to a woman who has no kids or anything...hopefully the dog will be okay and stop trying to kill everything she lays eyes on..

I feel kinda sad not having her around...everything seems so quiet..

but the cats seem at ease now lol( a true but lame joke)...

And the kids are fine..They both seem more at ease now not worrying about the dog attacking the cats again...I just feel really bad that Brady had to witness something like that...I mean..what in the world would make that dog suddenly start acting so bizzare...?

The only thing I can think of is maybe jealousy..Even though she had been around cats all of her life..Maybe she suddenly started getting jealous because the kids as well as me and Joe would play with the cats and give them attention...But that still don't explain why she started clawing the doors and walls until her toes bled..and then seem to go at it even harder..like she was enjoying inflicting pain on herself.....It's just plain creepy....After this I swear I will never, ever own another dog...this totally broke me..I'm still really confused by it...and still kinda creeped out over it all....